Results of
Stupid Survey 2:  Stimulus, Response

Here are the results from Stupid Survey 2. The number of responses received for each answer can be seen to the left of each response . I didn't quite get 50 billion repsonses like I had hoped, but that's OK. Maybe next time.




1.  Jesus Christ drank wine.
8  Yeah, so?
0  Only on special occasions.
0  "Wine" back then meant "grape juice".
0  You're going to HELL, you blasphemer!
2  Jesus who?


Perhaps if I had sent this survey to the Southern Baptist Convention I would have received a wider variety of responses.



2.  Democrat or Republican,...
0  ...scary is scary.
1  ...stupid is stupid.
3  ...pork is pork.
2  ...Libertarian is better.
4  ...doesn't matter since they don't let you vote in HELL.


I'm not sure what I would have put, but I'm sort of learning toward one of the first five choices.



3.  Rock.
0  the People's Champion.
6  great music
1  what geologists study
0  what is done to put a baby to sleep
3  what you use to send blasphemers to HELL


Better hope the Rock doesn't see this, or else it's the People's Elbow for the lot of ya.



4.  You...are one ugly human being.
3  Everyone is entitled to an opinion.
2  I'm your twin, you moron.
2  I may be ugly, but you're stupid.
1  Am not!
2  I may be ugly, but you're going to HELL.


This question gets the "Warring Afghan Tribe" Award, since all the repsonses tried to make it to the top. In the end, 'Everyone' wins.



5.  Pickles and ice cream are delicious.
5  Only if eaten on seperate occasions.
0  I don't like either one.
0  Pickles are delicious, but not ice cream.
0  Ice cream is delicious, but not pickles.
5  If you eat a non-kosher pickle, you're going to HELL.


So I'm the only person in the world that doesn't like pickles, I guess. I'd also like to thank all you old-school Jews for filling out this survey.



6.  HELL.
1  Oh, HELL.
0  Well, HELL.
2  Mentioned in this survey too often thus far.
2  Not mentioned enough thus far.
5  You can't spell "religious establishments" without "HELL's mistress"


Bonus points for anyone who can make a sassy word or phrase out of "aeiiougbnt" (religiousestablishments - hellsmistress = aeiiougbnt).



7.  The Rolling Stones are incredibly overated.
4  They most certainly are.
0  They most certainly are.
1  They most certainly are.
1  They most certainly are.
3  They most certainly are.


"But Brad," you must be saying, "4 + 0 + 1 + 1 + 3 = 9...what happened to the tenth vote?" Ah, a most valid question. Well I happen to know the answer: one of the humans who filled this survey out refused to answer this question because they didn't agree with any of the answers. But rest assured, I know the identity of this "unvoter" and I have given her shit about her abstinence from this question.



8.  I laughed when I heard about the World Trade Center attacks.
5  Hey, you're an insane Muslim too?!?
0  I know you're lying.
2  I hope you're just joking.
3  You had better be joking, you f**king jerk.


For those who doubted...no, I did not laugh when I heard about the WTC attacks. Embarrassingly enough, I didn't even know what the World Trade Center was when I heard about the attacks. Now that I know what they are, it's amazing how I never noticed those towers before; just watch Men in Black or a few old episodes of Friends sometime.



9.  The preceding statement about the World Trade Center should have been left out altogether.
1  Yes.
4  No.
5  Wow, dude, I think you really are going to HELL.


Just confirming what I've known for years.



Look for Stupid Survey 3 sometime within the next several weeks.